YouTube Spammers

Quick note. If you spam useless comments on YouTube, I hate you.

I

HATE

YOU

Quick note done.

On to the topic at hand. If you spam useless comments or chain comments on YouTube, you are retarded. If you spam the frequent and idiotically popular "YouTube Riot" inciting comments, you're extra retarded. Things, even big mighty things like the Internet, change. YouTube has changed. Buttons have been changed, and you now "like" instead of rate stars. Unfortunately, some things haven't changed. The basic user base of YouTube is still a bunch of self righteous pants on head retarded mongoloids. Just because, and I'm fully aware there will be irony in here somewhere, you don't like something, doesn't instantly make it evil and bad. Big example being VEVO. VEVO seems to have taken over a lot of the music videos. However, nobody seems to be insistently bitching about all the copyright nonsense happening and blocking other videos or forcing them to change the music they use.

Picking a fight with VEVO and the people who run YouTube to change things while out right ignoring other crappy happenings on the 'Tube is ridiculous. Spamming useless nonsense trying to escalate this fight with said VEVO and 'Tube employees/owners is also ridiculous on top of being bloody annoying. Personally, I hope all the people who spam that crap on good videos just to be part of the "in" crowd get kneecapped by midgets with whiffle bats. A long and arduous process.

Note: I know everyone is entitled to an opinion. They're still annoying as hell though.

BREAKING NEWS! Scissors taste like pain!

"Curtis Francis, who suffers from learning difficulties which affect his sense of danger, escaped with the minor injury after he put the scissors down his throat handle first when his mother's back was turned."

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1326687/Curtis-Francis-swallows-scissors-suffers-just-minor-cuts.html#ixzz14YMX6925

DISCLAIMER: The following paragraph of rant may offend you. If it does, that's not my problem. 

NOTICE: Lack of sense of danger does NOT equate into a lack of common sense

INQUIRY: Who the hell even begins to think that swallowing scissors is a good idea?

RELEVANT: Seriously, who the hell eats scissors?

Firstly, I feel a special desire to mention this:

 "The incident occurred on August 11 when Karon went to put the kettle on at their home in Bristol and left her son alone." If, as stated above in the opening quote, your child has learning difficulties and no sense of danger, leaving them alone is probably one of the dumber things you can do. Especially if they have easy access to something dangerous like say, a pair of friggen scissors. That being said, we now begin your regularly scheduled ranting.

All I can really say, and this will make me sound like a jerk, is what the hell. I realize that he has learning difficulties, the part I quoted even says it, but having an affected sense of danger should in no way make you lose all of your common sense. I also realize that since he has no sense of danger (it's said he doesn't in the article) that crap will happen. Now it's not stated that his learning difficulties affect his grasp of reality and that sticking sharp things into one of your orifices is BAD, so I feel I can safely say either his folks never learned him that sharp things only go in bad people and not yourself. There's not much else I can say without being a total jerk, but that's not stopped me before. I'm speaking from the standpoint of having helped raise a child and having been learned by my own parents that, gasp, eating pointy objects or sticking them into yourself is so bad that if you do you will first and foremost be told you are a bloody idiot. You'd get help but you'd get belittled the entire time. 

Mind you all I'm glad the situation ended okay. I may be sarcastic but I'm not always sarcastic...only most of the time.

Below, a message from SmarmInc to you!

Dear parents,

If ever you have or will have a child with a learning disability, it is your job as the parent to make sure they stay safe. That means you bloody teach them that sharp things are dangerous and should not be ingested. That goes doubly if your child is like the one in the article and has no sense of danger. 

Sincerely,

SmarmInc

A quick note about forums

Dear Internet,


I come to you today with a (hopefully) helpful list of tips to help you use forums.


Sincerely,
Fed up forum user


Do:

1. Post helpful information
2. Stay ON TOPIC (that's important)
3. USE THE SEARCH FUNCTION (If they have one)
4. Follow the rules 
5. Be polite

Seems fairly simple yeah? Well, apparently it's not. So many people fail to follow basic rules or have manners that it boggles the mind. For point three I cannot stress this one enough. Use the search function. The front page of a forum does NOT need to be filled with the same topic of "When is this happening?" or "RATE THE NAME!" or any other horrible mind numbing dribble. Points four and five require some emphasis too. For point four, don't be a dick. That's all it basically boils down to, don't post crap to annoy others, don't break the rules to try to be an e-thug, and be polite! Just because you're on the Internet doesn't mean you need to be a complete and utter ass. You are talking with other, gasp, real people after all. Some of you seem to forget that though. That brings us to our next list:


Do NOT:

1. Be a troll
2. Post uninformative crap
3. SPAM THE EVER LOVING HELL OUT OF EVERYONE
4. Derail threads and posts with your inconsistent childish nonsense
5. Act tough then turn into a panzy and claim victim

This list is pretty self explanatory. Don't be an ass. Plain and simple. As I said before though, majority of the internet forgets that and turn into frothing piles of rage and stupidity the likes of which have never been seen before. As for the spamming, don't do it. It's not funny, nobody likes it, and it will get you insulted and probably banned from said forum. Filling the front page with "LOLOLOL U SUX" is neither funny nor witty and makes everyone else want to bash you in the head with a rock in hopes of knocking some of the stupid out. The same goes for derailing a thread. If there's a discussion going on that you happen to disagree with, post a coherent thought instead of turning into a pissing contest of who likes kittens the most. Lastly, DO NOT act like your a hardcore gangster then turn into a sniveling pile of fail when someone tells you to eat a bag of dicks after you've been a prick, and for the love of all things holy DO NOT try to act even tougher and tell them you'd kick their ass in real life. Chances are you wouldn't kick their ass in real life because the chances are high you're either a basement dwelling idiot or a potato with toothpick legs that can't walk more than 15 feet without needing a 30 minute break.

Follow these simple steps and you can more than likely make using forums more fun for you and everyone involved.

Is Blizzard an evil hate machine or are people just idiots?

I'll keep this as short and sweet as I can.


Today, Blizzard announced on their European World of Warcraft forums an official release date for their newest expansion Cataclysm. The release date is set for December 7th, 2010. Full official announcement can be found here:

http://eu.blizzard.com/en-gb/company/press/pressreleases.html?101004

Now this might not seem like that big of a deal if you're not a gamer. Usually it wouldn't be that big of a deal unless you actually played World of Warcraft. What might seem like a big is that Pearl Harbor was attacked on December 7th, 1941. Surely there is no correlation between Blizzard releasing a new product and a tragic historical event right? WRONG! Browse the American WoW forums and there will likely be between 2 or 3 posts raising a stink about the coincidental release date. If you have sandy privates or twisty knickers, prepare to blow a gasket. There is absolutely nothing wrong with release a product on December 7th. There never will be a problem with releasing a product on December 7th either. 


Normally this wouldn't bother me for two reasons: 1) I don't play WoW anymore and 2) Blizzard isn't trying to be malicious or evil by releasing it on that particular date. What does bother me is the fact that idiots, mostly trolls, think they're being clever by throwing a huge fuss about this. What REALLY bothers me the most though is that the arguments boil down to "It's a national holiday!" (it's not) and "It's wrong!" (again, it's  not). If the knuckle dragging mouth breathers would put more than five seconds of thought into it...well they'd still be annoying and need to dust off their junk. 


Please, for the love of all things holy, if you feel the urge to be offended over something of no consequence do one of the following:

1. Shove a sock in your mouth
2. Use your brain and remember Blizzard isn't an evil hate machine of a corporation
3. Burn your computer
4. Take five minutes to do something else and relax before you melt your brain with big words
5. Use your brain to realize it's coincidental more than anything and not a slight on the people who died

I'm not saying you should forget about everyone who died in the attack on Pearl Harbor, quite the opposite. When December 7th finally rolls around, take a moment to remember. Kind of like you would do on any other day a major historical event incurred a tragic loss of life.


That is all.

Taking the "Happy" out of the Happy Meal

...What?


Oh California, why must you be so crazy? Especially San Francisco. The article is pretty self explanatory, but this statement just made me go "...what the hell?"

"A proposed city ordinance would ban McDonald's from putting toys in Happy Meals unless it adds fruit and vegetable portions and limits calories. "

You can't de-happy the Happy Meal. It serves no purpose. The toy is the only reason to spend that much money on the overpriced little boxes of horror. Considering that a Happy Meal and regular meal cost nearly the same, this is just a low blow to the kiddies. Some people will agree and think adding fruits and/or veggies and limiting calories is a good idea, but does anyone really think a child will eat the fruits or vegetables? It's a pain in the rear to get a kid to eat those things with a normal home cooked meal. I highly doubt they'll eat them just because they came from a fast food joint.

What's happening to kid's lives these days? No more violent early morning cartoons, safety gear out the butt, and now, no more happy in the Happy Meals. They're kids people, not puppets. Let them have some fun before life kicks them in the shins.

I personally hope this ordinance fails. Silly California.

YouTube Comments: Cesspool of failure

If you're going to watch a music video on YouTube and feel the urge to post about how you hate it, do NOT do it. You are not clever, and you are not being funny. You are, however, being a prick. You may sit there and scratch your head, looking not unlike a monkey in the process, thinking to yourself how it's within your rights to spew the dribble you call an opinion upon the eyes of others. It is, but it boils down to just because you can doesn't mean you should. If it was an opinion of how the music video was shot or produced, how the band is good and how they've progressed since you first heard of them, or that you have just now heard of them and want to let others who like them know you have a good taste in music that's fine. 


It's you idiots who watch a music video for a band you clearly loathe or hate to some degree that sit and watch an entire video for a song that would otherwise cause you to dig your eardrums out with toothpicks that feel the need to post "lulz this vid is teh sux dis band is gay evry1 who leisk them is gey," or, "i liked this band b4 they became mainstream sellout artists." You guys can shut up and go be unproductive in a comment section for a band you do like. 


It's common sense that taste is music is different for everyone. Most courteous people will keep that in mind as they browse YouTube. That statement is, of course, my faith in humanity getting the best of me. I know most of the people surfing the 'tube have the collective IQ of moss. That's being extremely generous as well. Time for the point: If you're going to watch a video for a song you clearly despise, please do everyone a favor and do not piss your comment into the retinas of everyone else who's watching it. As a matter of fact, if the song is going to cause you to have an aneurism of rage don't even click the damn link. Still your hand as you froth at the mouth and instead click the tiny 'x' button on the top right of your browser window and hurl your PC/Mac/Laptop out of a window because if you're stupid enough to watch things you hate just to get mad and act stupid, you are clearly too slow to properly use a computer, let alone the internet, or some type of masochistic lunatic.


*The above post applies for all types of videos on YouTube. The basic premise is this: If you hate what you're about to watch, instead of clicking the link to watch it, fling your computer and/or yourself out the window and save everyone who does like said video from having to read your dribble. It probably would have fried your brain to write anyway.

Think of the kittens

Whenever you post a comment on a forum or a youtube video that defiles the English language a kitten dies. Please think of the kittens. They're tiny balls of cuteness and fluff that have done nothing to deserve a swift end because you failed First Grade English. Please be aware that this list and/or rant does NOT apply to people for whom English is a second language. Let's face it, most of them spell and type better than native speakers anyway. Alas, let us take a moment to list some of the things that defile poor old English.

Tom's List of English Defiling Mistakes:

1. Bad Grammar
2. Poor Spelling
3. Poor Punctuation/NO Punctuation
4. Improper Capitalization
5. Thinking shorthand and "leet" speak are actually clever

Examples are shown to be but not restricted to being:

• Not knowing how possessives work
• Not knowing the difference between there/their/they're
• Not knowing the difference between you're/your
• Not knowing that "a lot" is two words
• Misspelling every other word
• Forgetting to capitalize everything except proper nouns
• Not using commas, periods, or quotations; also misuse of the ellipses (...)
• Typing liek u have been lobotomized w/ a rsty spoon

Now some of you might say that it's just easier to use shorthand typing or not worry about grammar and spelling because it's the Internet and everyone types like they're hamsters on crack. It, however, is NOT okay to type like you're a hyperactive rodent on recreational drugs. It's stupid, it makes you look like a retard, and nobody will take you seriously.  Others might say they do it to be ironic or witty. Well guess what cupcake, it's neither ironic nor is it witty. It again makes you look like a douche who failed primary school, is mentally handicapped, or eats lead based paint chips. It's also a very lazy thing to do. If your mental faculties are pushed to the limits by typing a three letter word one of two things is happening. Either you're reaching a new level of evolution and slowly forgetting how to spell because you're gaining telepathy or you're dumber than a rock and need to go back to kindergarten. 

I know it's the Internet. I know people are lazy bastards. I also know that some people think they're being clever. Alas, onwards to the point of this sarcasm and venom laced rant. If you have an opinion you want to voice on something, try to do it in an intelligent manner. Don't type like you're an autistic chimp or a rabbit on speed hopping across a keyboard. Especially if you want to be taken seriously. The most response you'll get from typing like that is ridicule. 

Now let me take a moment to point out that I'm aware this long winded post on the spelling habits of the majority the Internet is itself probably filled with a few grammar and/or punctuation mistakes. The subtle irony of that happen is not lost on me. I figure I'd just take away one of the few ways you could get your knickers in a twist and yell at me in the comments.